"What Should I Have In My CrossFit Bag?"

Depending on why you workout, you may find yourself on a different "level" of CrossFit Sherpa:

Level 1: Water bottle, lotion, towel.

This is the "every person" category. I hope everyone has these items.

Level 2: Jump rope, wrist wraps, tape.

You're starting to see results in the gym, and you want to keep it that way. Having your own jump rope means you have the peace of mind knowing it's sized right, wrist wraps make sure that you don't over work your wrist and make working all day miserable, and tape keeps your thumbs fresh after using a hookgrip (oly lifting)

Level 3: Knee sleeves, gymnastics grips, biofreeze.

You want to move like you used to, but you're not as young as you used to be. To have a chance against those youngsters, you need sleeves to keep your knees warm and supple, grips so that you don't rip your hands on the pullup bar, and biofreeze to mask all the other dings and scrapes long enough to make it through the WOD.

Level 4: Headbands (aka gym-bro flare)

Everything else you wear is black. Your headband is one of the few ways that you can express yourself without coming off as "flashy". Its both functional and stylish...It's func-ylish!

Level 5: Variety of shoes (lifting, running, sandals, metcon)

If Lady Gaga can make 17 wardrobe changes during a performance, so can you! If they didn't want us wearing shoes specific for what I was doing, why would they make them?

Level 6: Personalized weight belt

You could just work on your core, or borrow a belt from the gym when absolutely necessary, but then what would you do with that glittery belt that says "Juicy"?

Level 7: Pre-Workout

Constantly varied, high-intensity functional movement performed to the latest EDM just isn't enough for you any more. You need a shot of lighting in the arm directly from Zues himself to get you going! Better be safe and make it 2 scoops!

Level 8: Shin guards

Rope climbs, box jumps, deadlifts, it doesn't matter. You've been around the CrossFit block so many times, you've seen it all. You know what kind of damage they can do to your shins. If you take one more blow to the tibia, you'll probably go into neurogenic shock. Better be careful.

Level 9: Burn book of all your past CrossFit flames

You don't go to the gym to workout, that's just an added benefit. You're a social butterfly, and your CrossFit gym is your butterfly house. But, not every flower is sweet. Some people tick you off, and you need to remember why. That cute girl who didn't respond to your texts? That guy you used to workout with until you caught him not counting all his reps? That coach who had the audacity to tell you to stand all the way up on a squat!? Ya Burnt! [See also: Facebook]

Level 10: Copy of your Level 1 CrossFit Cert

"What if this is the day that coach needs me? I can't be called into the game and risk not having my glove! I've been to hundreds of CrossFit classes, I know what it takes to be a coach"

I hope you found this list helpful/humorous (past level 5) :)